by Susie and Otto Collins, Relationship Coaches
Most
every adult has experienced at one time in his or
her life a relationship
breakup or
divorce. It's part of
life and most people have come to expect and fear it,
although no one wants that for their experience.
How do you save your relationship from a breakup?
The
relationship
advice that we would give is that
you both take the time and energy you need to begin
focusing on your relationship and its health.
Whether you need marriage
advice or dating
advice,
the information in this article should start you thinking.
To
help you with this process, we'll give you our top
ways to save your relationship from breaking up:
1. Make each person's expectations clear for the
relationship and expect differences.
The people who unconsciously or consciously
think that just because they expect certain things from
the relationship, their partner expects the same.
They
set themselves up for overt conflicts or sullen withdrawal
by not getting those differences on the table, honoring
and accepting them. It's even possible to have
fun
with differences if you look at them in a conscious
way.
If you share your expectations in advance, you'll stop
jealousy
and possibly
infidelity and divorce
from
happening. If you expect to be treated a certain way,
make sure that you tell the other person that this is
the way you'd like to be treated.
2. Unearth existing challenges and deal with them.
Most couples avoid looking at and doing something
about the problems that exist in their relationships--
flirting with other people, jealousy,
lack of passion,
lack of common interests, to name a few.
What problems need to be addressed? Does one
or both of you want to spend more time together?
If you do, how can this happen without blaming
each other? Do you need to appreciate each
other a little more? If so, in what ways can both
of you show appreciation to each other?
3. Learn how to
communicate effectively.
For many couples, lack of communication is a big
issue. One person may agree to do something just
to keep the peace and another person may be
wanting to be loved and appreciated in a certain
way but are not willing to say it.
To improve communication,
make sure that each
of you listens to understand each other. This is a
skill that you have to learn to do because most of
us weren't taught how.
Listening to understand means listening with your
full attention, being entirely present with the other
person, without becoming defensive about what
each other is saying.
No, it's not easy to do but when you are able to
do it, the two of you will become closer, more
connected and more loving. We suggest you
start by giving your partner your undivided
attention and see how trust
grows between you.
4. Address old fears when they surface.
Most people in relationship experience fears
from the past. These might include fearing not
being good enough, attractive enough, wealthy
enough or even feelings of abandonment.
If
fears are not looked at and healed, they
interfere in some way or another with the health
of every relationship. Take some time to notice
when the fears surface, be loving with yourself
but look inward instead of outward.
Ask yourself if your fears are "true" or are
you
just making "stories" up in your head.
If you are
creating those "stories" and there's no basis
of
truth to them, then change your thinking. It's
not
always easy to do and it takes moment by moment
monitoring of your thoughts. If you need help and
support to make the changes you want in your life,
be courageous enough to get it.
5. Make sure you each understand, value and
appreciate each other
Everyone wants to feel understood, valued, loved
and appreciated and when we're not, we tend to
either withdraw or attack the other person for not
meeting our needs. If you want to be appreciated,
start appreciating the other people in your life.
Sounds simplistic but it really works!
If you are not feeling loved, start being open to
seeing and feeling love and appreciation that people
are giving you that you may not be aware of in
your daily life. It may be that someone allows
you to go ahead of them in traffic or tells you
to go ahead in a grocery line. Send some
appreciation back to them and to everyone around
you and watch love snowball in your life.
If you have experienced a
relationship breakup,
we encourage you to discover what happened,
taking your share of the responsibility for the
breakup.
For
more relationship tips, visit http://www.relationshipgold.com
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